Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
