just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
