I just pynch a tree in the face
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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