Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I believe in your delicious
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
