my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
