i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
