I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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