If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
