True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
