His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
