why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
