Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've blown a few things in my day
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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