Moan for me like Helen Keller
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
