My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
