I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
