Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
