Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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