BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
