I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
