just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
