If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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