if i can run in heels then i can drive
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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