We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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