bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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