How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Vodka?
Forever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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