I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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