You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
