So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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