Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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