I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
