Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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