Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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