Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
