I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
