oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
