just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
