kristin has been a bad kristin
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
