I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
