My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He felt like a one man threesome
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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