What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
