One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
