I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
