just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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