i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
