I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What a dumb baby whore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
