My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
