This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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