I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
