Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
