there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
