Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
