I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
